Goodbye to Elementary School

So considering I haven't updated in a year again, I thought it appropriate to post this photo comparison.  My girl at the beginning and end of fifth grade....it seems like it went so fast.  And I know that in the next three years, before she is done with middle school, she will change even more!

I'm feeling the end of school year blues even more this year and I think a lot of it has to do with the beginning of the end of elementary school.  Bryce has two more years and Piper has four, but it reminds me how fast time is passing.  I won't have 3 kids in the car in the mornings to take to before-care.  I won't have 3 kids at dinner talking about what happened in their shared school that day.  It is enough to make me want to cry!

I think Caroline is ready and that elementary school has become old news in the past few months.  She is showing that the elementary school restrictions are no longer needed and she is ready for the "freedoms" that middle school provides....even if she doesn't know it yet.  Not that it won't come with growing pains, but she is ready for a challenge that elementary school can no longer provide.

I know I will long for the safe and secure feeling that elementary school provides but I also look forward to seeing how she grows with these changes.  Ultimately, we have to let our kids go so they can learn and grow and with any luck if we do it just right, they'll end up closer to us.  I have to keep reminding myself that holding on too tight will result in a child who struggles harder to get away.

I am proud of Caroline and how effortless elementary school seemed for her, especially these past two years.  However, I know this is just the first step and I'm looking forward for all that she will accomplish in the coming years.

Time, please slow down!

Sleepover Success

I wanted to come and blog about this before I forgot.  On Friday, December 6 we had Caroline's 10th sleepover birthday party at our house.  I was very nervous about it leading up to it given that I didn't know 4 out of 6 of the girls who were coming.  It's one thing to have a kid over to your house for a play date that you don't know but it's another to have 4 of them and have them spending the night!  We sent out the invitations in early November and on the invitations where I didn't know the girls' parents, I wrote a separate little note on the back that they were free to call/email me if they had any questions or wanted to meet me.  Of the 4 girls, I didn't know, only one of the parents seemed a little nervous about the prospect of having their daughter spend the night somewhere with people they'd never met.  I was actually kind of relieved when the mom wanted to meet and it was so nice meeting her and her husband a few weeks before the sleepover.  (We'd now be more than happy to let Caroline go to their house too so the feeling is mutual.)

Anyway, the other 3 girls I didn't know all had their moms drop them off and stayed for a few minutes.  I took all of their cell phone numbers down just in case and assured them they'd be supervised and safe.  I was so happy they had come whereas I think the parents were happy to have their daughter out of the house for a night.  I guess it was a mutually beneficial arrangement.

As for the party, the girls were wonderful!  Seven 9/10 year old girls was a perfect amount and I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Well maybe not right away but I wouldn't be the least bit nervous to have any of these girls over to my house again.  It was really fun!  They were all so well behaved and fun.  They didn't all know each other but they quickly bonded and dissolved into giggles and squeals.

They started the night making rainbow loom bracelets (they all brought their stuff) and after everyone arrived, I served some snacks and they hung out in the basement.  After I got cleaned up, I set up a craft activity for them where they each painted their wooden first initial.

Then we did an ice cream sundae bar and brownies (instead of a cake, per Caroline's request) and Caroline opened her gifts.  Then came the part that Caroline was SOOOO excited for....makeup!  I bought a cheap set on Amazon that had like 48 eye shadows, blushes and lipsticks and told the girls to go to town:

They had a blast!  The girls were just so fun together and I loved that they included Piper for part of the night.  (Bryce went to my mom's, thank goodness!!)  Here's Piper with the girl who did her makeup - she was so happy to be included:

Thankfully, I had stocked up on makeup remover wipes!  But they cleaned up the bathroom when they were done and got out their sleeping bags and sat around talking and laughing.  Around midnight I told them that it was quiet time and they were already watching a movie. (This was the point where I had to drag Piper upstairs to her bed kicking and screaming!) I didn't hear another thing all night!  Caroline said they were up until about 1:30.  This is where having a finished basement made all the difference.  We were a full 2 floors away and they had their own space and own bathroom - it really was ideal.  

The next morning I was up around 7:30 and made pancakes and bacon and they all meandered upstairs ready to eat.  Once again they were as pleasant as could be and then talked and rainbow loomed until their parents came to get them.  

Caroline had the time of her life and I am so glad we were able to do this for her 10th birthday.  I had my first sleepover at 10 years old and remember it fondly as I think she will too.  Quite honestly, this was actually her first birthday party too.  At her old school, there just weren't really any kids that were her friends and so we'd just do things with the girl down the street.  Not that she was in any way deprived but I think this party made up for it and it made me very happy that we were able to do that for her.

I was really nervous about how the evening would play out and if they would be bored or get into trouble but I think their ages are really good ones in that they aren't all into boys yet and they just could enjoy being together.  I was also glad to have met so many other parents and now have more options for girls to come to the house to play.  So glad I kept my anxiety in check and did it.  She really is growing up and was totally ready for this.  She has really sweet friends and I'm happy she's feeling connected at her new school. Whew!

Little Ears

While Caroline likes playing with the other kids in our neighborhood, recently the older kids that she tends to play with more independently haven't been around for one reason or another so she's been hanging out with the younger set which are around Piper's age or a little younger.  All the little neighbor kids love Caroline and look up to her but you can imagine it's not always fun for her and she'll often gravitate to wanting to stand around and converse with the adults as we supervise.  I don't mind and I understand the interest of wanting to get in on the conversation but a lot of times I'm concerned about what she might be hearing (one of our neighbors doesn't have a very good filter on his mouth).  It's not the language per se (she knows all the bad words thanks to kids at school and knows not to use them) it's the content sometimes or if someone's talking about something that just isn't appropriate for kids. (Like talking to my one neighbor who just had a baby about postpartum stuff or the other neighbor talking about some stuff that's been happening at work.)  Sometimes I try to give her something to do and she'll skip away for a bit but she always comes back.  It kind of drives me crazy because I like having some adult conversation but hate that I have to keep shooing her away and that she always comes back.

She's curious (nosy) by nature and wants to know everything that is going on around the new neighborhood. Sometimes I think she might know too much as a result of things she may have overheard.  I said something to my neighbor who just had the baby and she laughed and said she was the exact same way as a kid - she always wanted to hang out with the adults.  

The one girl in the neighborhood who I thought would be a good friend has come on a little too strong and isn't always a good match for Caroline.  I think she needs to spend a little more time with her and get to know her better before writing her off because they do have fun riding bikes together and when they are one on one.  It's going to be a looooong summer if she doesn't.  But thankfully, the boys next door should be around more now that baseball is over and they will be back from their vacation and they have proved to be good playmates for Bryce and Caroline since they love bike riding and doing "nature" type imaginative play which Caroline loves.

KinderCaroline

Yesterday after lunch, the kids were playing with all the younger neighbor kids down the street on their playground.  This is the younger set that is about 5 years and younger.  A good fit for Piper and Bryce was having a good time with one of the older 5 year olds, but Caroline was noticeably bored.  None of the older neighbor kids were around but she couldn't stand not being out and playing with other kids.   She mentioned how bored she was and I suggested maybe she should do something fun with the little kids and make a scavenger hunt or something.   I was kind of joking but she immediately ran home and within 20 minutes she was back with a stack of brown paper bags and some sheets of paper.  On each paper was a list of "nature" items to find (grass, leaves, flowers, rocks, etc) with the title "Nature Scavenger Hunt."  She rounded all the little kids up and told them what they were doing.  All the little kids really like Caroline and they quickly sat down and before we knew it she had them on a nature hunt.  The two moms watching loved it!  I was so proud.  Caroline really has a way with them and they look up to her so much.  One of the moms (who is a 3rd grade teacher herself) did laugh that none of the kids were actually old enough to read the list she had printed up, but Caroline was so patient and kept reading each of them the items to find.  For a full half hour, she kept them engaged and anyone who knows little kids knows what a big deal 30 minutes of engaged playtime is.  Then when they were done collecting, they sat back down at the table and compared what they found.  After that, she took them all out front and they drew nature scenes on the driveway with sidewalk chalk.  It was cute to see how into the activity all the kids were, including Piper.  I appreciated the fact that Caroline didn't revel in her boredom as she sometimes does and instead did something about it.

After they were done with their nature activities, she and Piper came back to our house with Lucas and Bella to play in the basement.  From the sounds of it, I think they were playing school because in my comings and goings from downstairs to upstairs, I saw them doing puzzles and counting.  Pretty cute!

I think she is setting herself up for some major babysitting potential in a few years.

Tween Nutrition

Caroline has always been my most difficult eater. I always blamed my parenting until Bryce and Piper came along and ate a greater variety of foods on their own.  Clearly, it's ingrained.  For example, when Caroline was around a year old and off of baby foods, I would give her baby yogurt and I would dice up an apple and put them in to attempt to get her to eat more fruit.  She would put a bite in her mouth and then spit out the tiny pieces of apple.  This was my first realization that she would not be a fruit eater.  And when I say that now, I realize how true that was.  This child will NOT eat fruit.  No berries, no bananas, no apples.  I'm lucky if I can sometimes get her to eat a cup of that Mott's Natural applesauce or applesauce blended with other fruit.  Vegetables aren't much better.  She'll claim for a short period of time that she likes a particular veggie but when you serve it, her preferences have changed.  It was Brussels sprouts and now it's cauliflower.  I need to put it on our menu again and see if she'll actually eat it or do her normal "I don't like it anymore."

And lately, even the foods that she used to eat without issue are now a problem.  She no longer likes spaghetti.  SPAGHETTI!  What kid doesn't like spaghetti?  Even if Bryce and Piper prefer it without sauce, at least they eat it.  Jason and Bryce had a baseball game last night so I just made some quick pasta to eat - Caroline refused.  This is after she barely ate her lunch - a half peanut butter/honey sandwich.  She says she only likes "fresh" PBJ or PBH.  (And yes, we tried giving her little containers of each and letting her make her own sandwich at lunch time - that only worked for 2-3 days.)

The only foods she'll eat consistently are things like yogurt, hot dogs or random meats - not exactly a good food pyramid representation!  A vegetarian she is not.  It's not like she's trying not to eat because if you offer her junk, she happily will eat it.  (So I'm not worried that she's not eating for body conscious reasons.)   It's getting to the point where I am concerned for her health.  She's naturally thin like her father was at that age so I get that but it's like she just doesn't want to bother with eating because there is nothing she likes.  By age 9 I had hoped to be over this!  I need to start making sure she takes her vitamins every day and pushing things on her like V8 fusion or regular V8 since they're the only fruit/veggie like things I can get into her.  She mostly drinks water otherwise so it's not like she's drinking her calories either.

I told her last night that I am strongly considering taking her to see a nutritionist after we get settled in the new house.  I still haven't taken her to her 9 year checkup (stellar parent that I am) and maybe that's a good time to mention it to her family doctor.  I think she's healthy now but that could change if her eating habits continue to deteriorate.

I truly think she has texture and food issues.  Heck, I have my own share of them particularly when it comes to meat and animal products so I guess she comes by them honestly.  It's just that mine have never spilled over to fruits/veggies and grains.  (She hates whole wheat bread - even the soft, whole wheat potato bread we buy!)  I'm also a bit frustrated by her attitude about the whole thing.  She gets very defensive and you can't talk to her about it.  (Classic tween attitude.)  It's very frustrating and since I've never been a person that believes in sitting and shoving food in your kids' mouth, this is very hard for me.  Yes, we've had occasions where they have to finish their meals for breakfast, it's an exhausting proposition to have someone unhappy with what you are cooking.  The irony in all this is that I love to cook and constantly having such terrible reviews from my diners gets me down sometimes.   Maybe that is why I've enjoyed cooking at my mom's these past few months because they appreciate my cooking along with Jason.

Last night we had a bit of a blowup about her eating because I made spaghetti and she refused to eat it.  I didn't have the energy so I told her just to forget about eating and she did until about 8pm and she decided she was hungry.  Typical.  At that point, I banged my head and was no longer concerned.  I guess my mom got her to eat something and I told her when I had her in a moment of concern of my head injury that I don't buy her about eating to be mean, I do it because I care about her and I worry about her nutrition and overall health.  Because she was in a non-attitude state, I think she took my concern to heart.  Here's hoping.  But I do plan on mentioning this to our family doctor when I finally do get her in for her checkup.

Self Deprication

When I think back to third grade and look at photos of myself at that age, I realize that this was definitely the start of my awkward phase that all kids go through.  And now looking at Caroline and hearing the things she says, I think that is the phase we are entering.  One of the biggest indicators of the awkward phase via photos is the adult front teeth - seemingly too big for the still child mouth but needed since the child will be growing into them.  Caroline calls them her "bunny teeth."  According to her no one else in her class has them but I know that is NOT the truth.  She says she hates the way she looks.  She'll say things like "I'm ugly" or "I'm such a dork."  or "I'm such a nerd."  And then she'll turn around and tell us things like she's not smart enough for her class.   She has even just recently made a comment about her legs looking flabby.  O.M.G.

Apparently this is par for the course for her age.  The age when many girls start to compare themselves to their peers and be more self conscious.  I got her this great American Girl book about self esteem and she loved it but now she'll just say things like, "Yeah, I have low self esteem." instead of just saying she doesn't like things about herself.  Lovely.

We've been having a lot of talks lately.  First of all, in regards to body image, I have always been extremely careful NEVER to talk about my own issues with body image to my kids.  Ever.  Where do they get this crap from?  If you haven't seen Caroline lately, you'll notice how tiny she is.  The flab she was referring to the other day was her relaxed calf muscle!  Once we showed her that it's not flab, just a muscle not currently engaged, she laughed it off.  (Plus, have you ever seen how little my kids eat?  I'm in trouble when they finally  actually eat real meals.  They do okay with breakfast but lunch and dinner are hit or miss.)  I've talked about the fact that she does get a lot of activity and that she doesn't overeat and we make healthy food choices as a family whether or not she chooses to actually eat them is her choice right now.  She and I have been walking a lot recently which is another healthy habit.  There are a number of girls in her class that would qualify as overweight so if she's comparing herself to them, it's a stark contrast.

As for the other remarks about herself, I'm not sure where they are coming from either.  I know kids aren't always the nicest to one another and I know that people tend to dwell on the random negative comments as opposed to the more frequent positive ones they hear.  I also know she's one of the smartest kids in her class  (per her teacher) despite what her perception is.  She's super imaginative and has amazing ways of making connections between things that most people wouldn't.  She reads like it's going out of style and she has no issues with math.  But, she feels like she's not good enough.

I do think a lot of this has to do with the fact that she doesn't feel like always fits in with her classmates.  Although sometimes she'll come home and talk about the fun she's had with them and things are better and then other days she'll talk about how she sits alone during recess.....but then she'll tell us she purposely did something to seem weird.  It's like she's trying to be an oddball sometimes for attention.

Which brings me back to my whole theory with my firstborn....she loves attention.  She's the most introverted of my three kids but that's not saying a lot since Bryce and Piper could potentially talk you to death.  Caroline, if not flanked by her younger siblings, can also talk a blue streak but is more apt in lively situations to keep to herself.   There have been times where she'll make a negative comment about herself and then kind of wait for you to disagree with her.  In fact, once you do counter her comment, she'll kind of argue about it with you.  It's not that I don't think there is some truth or feeling behind her comment but I also think that she enjoys the back and forth between parent and child that usually develops.  I can't think of a faster way to get a compliment then to say to your mom or grandmother that you think you're ugly.

I also don't fully buy into the fact that Caroline thinks she's ugly.  Yes, I believe there are some of her features that she doesn't love, but I also see how much time she puts into getting herself ready to go somewhere.  She is meticulous with doing her hair, wearing jewelry, and picking out her clothes.  I know that it won't be long before she's asking to wear makeup!  (Which will have to wait until middle school and will be minimal....no blue eye shadow for her!)

This is all hard for me because I know that this is a stage that most girls go through and I know that it's going to only get worse before it gets better.  I remember how hard those years were for me.  I'm glad that she's talking about them with me - we're very open in the things we talk about and I try my best not to overreact with any subject she brings up so she'll know she can tell me things.  She also talks to my mom about things a lot too.   I also hope that going to a school next year where there are kids in her class that look like her will help.  In fact, just the other night when we were in our new neighborhood and she had the chance to see Rachel again, she was so excited to tell me that Rachel had teeth just like her!  (Bunny teeth)

I am not looking forward to the middle school years....

10 Years Ago Today

On this day in 2003, I was off of work for spring break at my old job.  I had spent the two days before with my mom visiting both my grandmothers (my mom's mom had just been put into a nursing home in January) and that Wednesday was my last day off for the week since staff didn't get the full week off.

So that morning I decided to try something.  You see about a month before, we had decided that it was time....we wanted a baby.  And it was on that morning that I was home alone that I took a home pregnancy test and couldn't believe my eyes that I saw two lines!!  TWO!  I giggled uncontrollably.  I didn't know what to do.  I didn't want to tell anyone else before I told Jason and he was at work and that was NOT how I wanted to tell him.

I am not quite sure what I did for the rest of the morning (probably spent some time online reading about early pregnancy) but I ended up going to Target and the bookstore and picking up some gender neutral newborn onesies and "What to Expect When You're Expecting."  I think I read the whole book in one afternoon.

Jason got home from work and I had laid the onesies, book and pregnancy test in on the computer desk for him to find.  I remember waiting for him to go in there (since that was always the first place he went to check his personal email - back in the days of no data on cell phones) and then he walked back out with a onesie in one hand and the pregnancy test in the.  "Um, what does this mean??""

We were about to become parents!  Parents.  Whoa.  We didn't tell my parents for a few more days and we told Jason's parents that following weekend.  It was big news since this would be the first grandchild.  Big news!

Hard to believe that was TEN years ago.  Up to this point it was always in what seemed smaller incremental numbers but 10 seems like a milestone, doesn't it?  10 years ago our world changed forever.  And even though we didn't hold our baby for 8 more months, it was on that day that things would never be the same either.  Our priorities changed as did the way we thought about ourselves and our world.

Hard to believe that Caroline has been in my consciousness and heart now for 10 years.  It really makes you realize how quickly time goes and wonder how different life will be 10 years from now.

Expander Found

I picked Caroline up from school on Friday and she looked surprised to see me but not overly so.  I told her to open her mouth and she said the expander was in her pocket.  Why not in her mouth?  Well, I guess one day of not wearing it will cause your mouth to start going back to its old shape.  She was adamant that she just forgot she put it in her desk and it got pushed back.  We drilled her but she didn't change her story.  It still didn't make sense.  How she could forget that quickly (after school breakfast) that she had taken it out and put it in her desk and then came up with some story about it being at home?  But given the fact of how relieved I was that I wasn't having to pay $268 for a new one, I was less interested in working the details out of her because I don't think she was budging.  She knows how crucial things are with her expander and how much it costs.  She also knows we don't quite trust her right now so there's that too.  If she hadn't been so diligent with it to this point, I'd be more concerned.  Thankfully, I just turned the dials back two turns and it fit back in her mouth.  We'll catch up to where the dentist wants us to be quickly.

The Plot Thickens

On a whim, I emailed Caroline's teacher to see if maybe, just maybe she knew anything about the expander and if she would be willing to glance in Caroline's desk.  I just got an email back from her that she can see it in there in the back.  What.the.heck????

Seriously.

She said she brought it to Caroline's attention and she thanked her because "it costs like a billion dollars" and put it in her backpack.  Why didn't she put it in her mouth?  It supports my theory that something is wrong with it and that was why she was acting weird yesterday morning.  Although now I worry that she'll be adamant that she didn't know it was in her desk.  I can't take any more lies.  I am going to personally be there at her classroom door at dismissal today.  Can't wait to see her face.

File this under "Tween Drama."

Expander Drama

Caroline got her top palatal expander back in September.  She was always very responsible with it and had her top spacing bridge put in back in January (it stays in until she gets braces).  She then transitioned to having a bottom palatal expander which she has also been very responsible with.  She takes it out when she eats, brushes it separately when she brushes her teeth and never leaves it laying around.  She also has had no real issues with this process so far and has actually enjoyed going to see the dentist on a regular basis.  So you can imagine mine and Jason's surprise yesterday upon finding out that her bottom expander had gone missing.

Here's where it gets frustrating....had the story been clear, I would probably be feeling a lot different about things.  Had she said she threw it away at lunch, I would have been upset but I would feel like we knew what actually happened.  Instead, she tells us this story that makes NO sense.  Here's her rendition:

She came down dressed and ready to eat breakfast.  She took it out of her mouth to eat breakfast and laid it next to her bowl like she normally does.  She even remarked that her bright pink expander matched her pink crazy straw that she was using in her juice.   As she was eating her cereal, she started complaining about how COLD she was so she quickly ate and went up to brush her teeth so that she would be ready for the day and could sit under a blanket and watch TV or play on her DS until it was time to go to school.  She said she must have left it laying next to her bowl (which she left on the island and didn't put in the dishwasher).  She came back downstairs and went and sat under a blanket on the couch until it was time to leave not realizing she hadn't put it back in yet.  She says she didn't notice it wasn't in her mouth until after she got to school and was putting her books away.  When my MIL picked her up from school she casually mentioned she thought she left it at home.  She didn't say a word to Jason (met him at the allergist's) until they got home.  When I got home Jason was starting to look around for it.

This makes NO sense.  My MIL never saw it and she is the one who cleaned up the breakfast dishes.  Piper didn't see it.  Bryce says he saw it sitting by her bowl but we're not sure we believe that because he is very impressionable and my MIL doesn't think he was even around at that point to have seen it.  A bright pink expander is not something you miss sitting on a counter top either, especially when we all know what it is and would prefer NOT to touch it.  Yes, we went through the trash (twice) and recycling.  Nothing.

And then you have the weird details that don't add up:

Caroline didn't seem the least bit frantic or worried about it.  She kept saying, "It's just gone." and then would go about playing and acting like nothing was wrong.  She wasn't helping us look nor did she seem remorseful.  Jason says she wouldn't say that it's "gone" unless she really knew it was gone.  She would say it's "lost" or "missing."

We tried offering $10 to anyone that "found" it last night hoping to possibly get Piper to confess if she knew where it was since she is a possible hiding suspect since she's been known to do things like this before, but I truly don't think she knows anything now.

My MIL said it was odd how quickly Caroline went up to  brush her teeth and then came back downstairs and then was hiding under a blanket on the couch - hiding her whole head.  Weird.  This is where I start to get even more suspicious that something happened to it and she is afraid to tell us.  She's always so concerned with how her hair looks and she didn't seem to care yesterday.

When you ask her to tell you the truth she gets super defensive and it's almost like she's faking upset - Jason and I both made that remark.

Something just doesn't add up.  I even emailed her teacher this morning and asked her to glance in Caroline's desk to see if maybe it's in there and she's got it stashed there.   I am highly suspicious that Caroline broke it or did something to it and then had all day to come up with a story.  But then I feel guilty for not believing her because I don't want to think my kid is bold face lying to me

And then you have back in December when she had bronchitis and the doctor put her on an inhaler and medicine that she didn't want to take.  They both magically disappeared one day and we could NOT find them.  Caroline claimed innocence only to have my dad find them later stashed in an old hamper of my mom's.  So she's got a history of being sneaky and not honest with us.

And finally, to had insult to injury, I call the dentist's this morning to find out what the procedure was to get her new one knowing we'd be paying out of pocket for a new device.  $268!!!!  I almost yelled.  I felt like crying.  I knew it wasn't going to be cheap though given how much we're paying for the entire process.  I'm glad Caroline wasn't around when I found out because I need to cool off about it.  (The dentist's office did tell me that there is a possibility that since she was getting close to being done with the expander and getting the bridge on the bottom that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't need a new one, but I'm not holding my breath because those take a few weeks to order and in that time nothing will be holding her bottom jaw where they need it to be.)

Now knowing how much it is, I feel like I am owed the truth.  Jason and I both feel like if she just told us (yesterday) that she had broken it or lost it by throwing it away mistakenly, we would be upset but we would just chalk it up to "it happens" and move on.  I feel like I can't move on because something doesn't make sense.  I've told my kids over and over that lying and dishonesty will get them into way more trouble than the act itself.

So tonight she will be further interrogated and told that she has lost her DS until further notice.  I'd like to just sell the thing and use the money to pay for the new expander.  That's how angry I am right now.  Good thing I won't see her for a few more hours.  $268 could buy me a nice chair for my new living room.  GRRRRR!

Body Talk

So Caroline is 9.  NINE.  Do you know what that means?  It means that there are girls in her class that are on the verge of puberty.  There are girls in her class wearing their first bras, are getting taller, and don't look as much like children anymore.  My mom said that in the clinic she works in that at age 9 they start asking the parents of their 9 year old patients if the girl has started her period because that is now an age where they are starting to see more girls get their first period.  Yup. NINE!

I remember I was in fifth grade when our school nurse had the talk with us but my mom talked to me about it earlier in fourth grade.  She wanted me to be prepared should I hear other people talking about it even though she didn't think I was even close to puberty. (I wasn't.)

Anyway, recently Jason and I have had some concerns with Caroline as she is enters the tween years.  Nothing big but things like concern for her diet (she's not exactly into eating fruits and veggies) and her sleep habits (she still doesn't like to sleep).  Jason was talking to a guy at work about his pre-teen son and the concerns they were having with him and about how important diet, exercise, and sleep become in these years as their bodies begin to change.  He wondered how to talk to Caroline about it and shot me an email.  Interestingly enough, just a few days before some women on my online mom's board had been talking about ways to talk to your girls about puberty and the American Girl "Care and Keeping of You" books came up.  As soon as I read his email, I thought of these books and went right to Amazon.  The original AG book was published in 1998 and has sold millions of copies, but as luck would have it two new versions were about to be released - one for younger girls and one for older girls.  I placed my order!!

I was excited when it came but decided to read through it before giving it to Caroline.  I don't see the book as something I give her and just let her run with - instead it's a guide and gives more depth to the things we discuss.  In the book are great topics on diet, exercise, sleep, skin care, and hair care but it also delves into puberty with discussion about body hair, body odor, and of course, getting your period.

Since this wasn't a topic that we'd discussed before I knew that upon giving it to her, it was time.  I held onto it for a few days waiting for the right time.  Then one night earlier this week after I'd put the other two kids to bed, I gave it to her and she was SO excited.  First of all she loves all the American Girl publications.  She got the magazine for the first time over a month ago and loved the section on winter skin care and prided herself on how to wash her face and keep her hands softer. (She has sandpaper hands in the winter.)  So seeing this book was exciting for her. I opened the table of contents and I went through it with her - she couldn't wait to get her hands on it.  Then we got to the section called "Big Changes" and asked her if she had heard of what a "period" is.  She hadn't but I gave her an overview and she seemed very interested.  She asked some questions and I answered and then I told her that I when she gets to that section, we can talk more about it.  I told her that she is probably still a few years away but that girls in her class might start talking about it and I want her to be prepared.

She took it all really well and went to bed and stayed up way too late reading it.  Doh!  (So much for a healthy sleep habit that night.)  She knows that this book her her personal business and she feels very grownup for having it.  In the past few months, I've realized how important it is becoming for the two of us to really talk on a regular basis.  I want to make sure she knows she can tell me anything and ask me anything.  When I gave her the book, I told her that it important to her father and I that she knows that she's going to get the truth from us when it comes to sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc and that anything she hears from her friends might not always be that way and she can always check with us.

Anyway, I give this book two big thumbs up.  The illustrations are completely age appropriate and tasteful.  She has a few of the other AG books about friends and I can't wait to get her a few more in the months to come.  Now I wish there was a similar book for boys for Bryce in a year or two!

RIP Cleo

On Tuesday, the twins were born.  Caroline was just so happy!

But on Wednesday, we got some sad news.  My MIL's cat, Cleo, had to be put to sleep.  Cleo was Caroline's absolute favorite cat.  Sandy called to tell us the news and asked if we would tell her so that she wouldn't have to tell her first thing on Thursday morning.

In a way it wasn't a complete surprise because Sandy had been noticing that Cleo had been losing a lot of weight and took her to the vet last week and found out she had kidney disease which is common in older cats.  On Saturday morning, Sandy called to see if Caroline would want to come with her to the vet to learn how to give Cleo IV fluids to help her get better.  They were also going to change her diet and hope for the best.  Caroline loved being at the vet and being with Cleo.  I guess the fluids they gave her made her feel better because she was purring very loudly.  I'm so glad Caroline had that time with her.

However, I guess the treatment wasn't enough and Sandy found on Wednesday that Cleo couldn't walk anymore.  The vet was pretty sure that she had developed a blood clot which had cut off circulation to one of her legs.  Again, something common in cats with this kind of kidney disease.  Sandy and Tom made the decision to let the vet put Cleo to sleep - she was suffering.  Both of my ILs were really upset too - Cleo was one of their first cats.

Jason was the one who told Caroline and she took the news pretty well but a little later she came downstairs and I just hugged her while she cried.  My MIL still has one more cat but Emmy's not as nice as Cleo was to Caroline.  Caroline went downstairs and wrote a bunch of emails to her grandparents and to her Uncle Jeremy who also loved Cleo a lot.  She wrote me an email too to tell me how sad she was and asking for a cat.

And here's the thing, even though I've never really been a cat person I wish there was a way for Caroline to have a cat.  I KNOW how much she would love it and I know how much it would mean to her.  The fact that I even would consider it tells you how much I love my daughter and know how much this would make her happy since I've never  been a cat person.

But unfortunately, we were not meant to be a cat family.  Yes, Caroline and Bryce are getting allergy shots that include cat dander, but I am still allergic.  (Piper probably will be too, eventually, given her genetics.)  And then on top of that, I know how much damage some cats do to houses - especially NEW houses and new carpets! - and I just don't want to invite that as I get frustrated enough with the messes that the kids make.  And then you add vet bills, cat litter boxes, and having to worry about the animal when you go away and I just can't do it.

A dog is more possible (because I really like dogs), but then dogs are worse when it comes to having to be home for them.  And you have to worry about them a lot more in terms of behavior and taking them out or fencing in your hard.

And then there's the reason Jason doesn't want to do it again...losing a pet.

If there was a cat I could guarantee would not pee on my carpets (or rip up my furniture), would be very low in vet costs,  and wouldn't irritate my allergies, I would consider it.  Robot cat, anyone?

Caroline is Growing Up!

As a parent there are certain things that you just don't realize.  Yes, I know my daughter is 9 years old and yes I know she is growing up but it's hard to know what a 9 year old is truly able to do for herself.  We let her try things out but there are some things that you've been doing for so long that you don't even think to let the child do/try for themselves.

Case and point:  Fingernail and toenail maintenance

Back in the fall, Caroline asked that I stop trimming her fingernails because she didn't like how I trimmed them short.  I gave in somewhat and said that I would trim them but not as short as I used to when she was little.  She was okay with that but then right before Christmas she asked that I stop trimming them altogether so she could file them.  Again, I was happy to oblige and enjoy her new found autonomy.  I even bought her some cute nail files for her stocking this Christmas which she really liked receiving.

Then last night as she was getting ready for bed I told her that after her bath she really needed her toenails cut.  Ew.  She quickly responded, "Mom!  I am 9 years old, I don't need my mommy cutting my toenails."  Wow, not what I expected.  But I took it in stride and handed her the nail scissors that I always find works best on their toenails and she did it without any issues.  (Now thinking back I probably should have found some clippers for her but we need some new ones so maybe I will get a new pair for their bathroom this weekend.)

So she did it and she did a nice job.  But I realized what an odd thing to not even consider she could do for herself.  I've been cutting kid finger/toenails for over 9 years now and didn't even consider that I don't need to be doing it for her anymore.  (I rarely do it for Bryce anymore because he's a nail muncher...yeah, fingers AND toes.  Ew.)  But I still do it regularly for Piper.

Now mind you, Caroline's fingernails are in need of some filing in the worst way but they aren't my fingers and they aren't for me to comment on, so I will just let her alone about it.  She seems to be getting more interested in making herself look good too.  While she's taken great pride in her hair for several years now, I notice that she's getting more interested in other self-care routines lately.

For example, last week when she was reading her American Girl magazine (love this magazine!), she was showing me a page about winter "beauty."  (The magazine did NOT call it beauty, which would have bothered me, but I can't think of the word they used now.)  On the page it gave tips on things like how to combat chapped lips, dry feet, and static-prone hair.  Really simple things that most grown women know but groundbreaking stuff to a 9 year old who is really starting to care.  A few weeks before we moved, I gave Caroline my own beauty trick for keeping her hands soft.  (She has TERRIBLY rough hands in the winter!!) I showed her how she could coat her hands in lotion and then put a pair of socks over her hands to sleep in and it would help her skin get softer again.  Well, it worked like magic and after repeating the treatment a few nights, her hands were soft again.  She was thrilled and loved that I had shared it with her.  Quite honestly, I was tickled to have someone to share that kind of stuff with.  It's kind of funny to realize now that I have a growing girl who is interested in that kind of stuff.

I'm also really impressed at how she matches her earrings to her outfit and takes great pride in making sure her hair accessories match too.  I've always thought she has more fashion sense than I do so I can only assume she will be advising me before I know it.  I like that we can share this kind of stuff with each other and that it gives me another thing to bond with her over.  Having a 9 year old girl is pretty neat some days.

Jason's Daughter

I've said time and time again that Caroline is her father's daughter.  It always strikes at times when I'm not expecting it.  Like her father, Caroline is intelligent, less of a talker, introspective, and often wants to be left alone. What someone might mistake for aloofness is really just both of them not seeing the point in wasting their time with something they don't think has any merit.  And while Caroline has the female flare for dramatics and silliness, she truly is more like Jason then she is like me.

Case and point, yesterday at recess.  I got an email from her teacher that Caroline wasn't very willing to participate in a group activity.  Ms. B emailed me because we've been in close contact in regards to Caroline's issues interacting with other kids and her anxiety about feeling like she doesn't fit in.  The email wasn't clear exactly what the activity was so when I found out from Caroline that it was an indoor recess game, I was kind of surprised.  Since it was so chilly yesterday and the playground was muddy, they stayed inside and Ms. B decided they would play Four Corners.  I guess they've played this before and most of the kids like it.  Yup, most kids.  Not Caroline.  I'm still not 100% sure but based on what she told me it sounds like she played half-heartedly trying to get "out" so she could just sit down.  I asked her why and she said, "Ugh, it's just a total waste of time.  Everyone gets all silly and crazy and runs around and I'd rather just sit at my desk and play with my animal erasers or draw.   Why do I have to play a game that gets everyone so crazy?  Recess shouldn't be required!"

And the Jason genes strike AGAIN.

Jason wasn't there at the moment because I can only imagine if he was he would have laughed.  This is sooooo Jason.  If he doesn't see the point in doing something because it seems like a waste of time, energy or just not worth it, he doesn't want to do it.  And if he gets dragged into it, he's grumpy and no fun.

Sigh.

I told Caroline that while it might seem pointless the fact that she's excluding herself from the game might seem a little odd to the other kids.  And since she is so concerned about fitting in and other kids liking her, by doing something like this someone might think she's "weird." (Her word, not mine.)  Unfortunately, I don't think she gets it.  Or she's not willing to compromise to fit in.

My friend who is a guidance counselor said that she has the most "friend" issues starting in the third grade and based on talking to Caroline's GC, it sounds like some of this is par for the course but I think a lot of it is also just the way Caroline is wired.  I think a lot of it is developmental as the kids hit the 9/10 age mark and they are no longer little kids who get along with everyone.  But, I also know that when Caroline is at home and with other kids/families she is entirely comfortable around, we see a different kid.  She is super energetic, silly, funny, and talkative.  She can be that way in school but I think sometimes she TRIES to be a little different and odd.  Who knows if this is something she is doing because she knows she won't be at this school for much longer because when you ask her how she feels about moving she says she'll be happy to leave her school behind.  But then on the other hand she'll say that she'll miss certain kids and hopes no one "cheers when she leaves."

I know these are just growing pains and I'm glad she's got a teacher who is paying attention to this kind of stuff.  I've already told Jason he needs to just talk to her tonight about it. In the past, they'll talk and he'll share how he feels about things and it's funny to hear what a connection they have.  She'll light up and say, "Yeah, that's how I feel too!" and clearly it makes her feel more "normal."   I know that is always helpful because no one wants to feel like a weirdo.

Happy 9th, Caroline!

She's 9!  The last year in single digits.  Hard to believe it when it really doesn't seem that long ago that she came into our lives and made us parents.  Although my memory fades of what life was like with just one child and the time we spent together with just the three of us.  And it makes sense why she's always asking for time alone with each of us since her younger siblings seem to suck so much time away from her.  We also can see as each day goes by she grows more and more like her father.  Between my mother in law and Jason, they both cannot get over how much her personality is like his was but with a female, dramatic twist.  Jason just keeps saying that it's his karma coming back to bite him for all those ways he hurt his mother's heart over the years.  This morning she didn't even want to let me hug or kiss her but I did call her once I got to work to wish her a happy birthday and tell her how much I love her.  Even that was met with some awkwardness.  Jason reminded me that, like him, she doesn't always like the attention.  You just never know with Caroline.

But with all these things, she is bright, creative, and (can be) delightful.  I'm amazed at the way she sees the world and the things she notices and realizes - a true critical thinker already.

I love you Caroline....even if you don't always feel like you love me.  Happy Birthday, sweet girl.

Little Sick

Caroline didn't go to school yesterday (her first missed day this year) because on Wednesday night she had a low grade fever, was flushed, said she felt weak and "weird."  She had had an irritated throat that had improved so I let her stay home to see what happened.  My MIL gave her more ibuprofen at lunch time when she started feeling bad again but mostly she was fine.  Last night I told her she could go to school today as long as she didn't have a fever and she didn't like hearing that very much.  This morning she woke up without any temperature elevation but I went ahead and gave her a preemptive dose of ibuprofen anyway.  She also seemed to be losing her voice a little and sounded more like she had a cold which I think Piper and I are fighting off too.  Poor kid.  I know things aren't perfect at school for her right now and when she's not feeling great she tends to exaggerate how "bad" it is.  I know she doesn't feel like she fits in a lot of the time but I also know she has several kids who DO like her and are the friendly type.  Of course this doesn't stop her from saying that "everybody thinks I'm weird and gross" or that "everyone thinks I'm a nerd."  When she starts talking like that I ask her about the kids she does like and if they think that about her and she says no.

I think a lot of this is developmental and she's entering that awkward phase of the pre-teen years.  I know that things in our new school will be different but until that happens she just has to keep her chin up and focus on the kids that are truly nice to her.  It's nothing terrible just a bunch of kids with bad attitudes and cliques.  The guidance counselor and teacher are well aware of some of the personality conflicts in the class and thankfully one of the more negative kids is moving soon.  I feel terrible that Caroline is not feeling totally accepted by her class but glad that our move to get them into a new school is already on the horizon because if it weren't this certainly would have been the impetus to start looking.  Whew!

Birthday Plans

Caroline's birthday is quickly approaching and I'm feeling guilty about the fact that it will be right before we move so I'm trying to plan so that it isn't brushed over.  I asked her what she wanted to do and she suggested a party at our house but I told her that unfortunately this is NOT the year for a party at our house. Then I asked her who she would invite and she couldn't come up with more than 2 people.  And that made me sad and remember that THIS is one of the reasons why we're moving.  She should have a couple of girls in her class she wants to have over for a party by this age.  I told her that next year, we will have party - a slumber party even.  She liked that idea.  She'll be turning TEN after all and that's when I had my first sleepover.  Here's hoping she'll have some kids in her class that she feels like she fits in with.  I'm not saying she needs a gaggle of friends, just 2 or 3.

But anyway, back to this year and her last year in the single digits.  My bright idea this morning was to offer to take her out to dinner and then to go and pick out a new bike.  The bike she got when she was 5 is pretty much too small for her now but she keeps on riding it and loves it so rather then just pick one out for her, I thought she'd like to pick it herself and have some alone time with us.  I need to think of a fun place to take her.

When I asked her what she wanted to do for her birthday after we decided a party was out, she said, "I just want a normal day." in a strangely sad tone.  Of course that makes me sad but I also think she's being purposely dramatic for my benefit.  She had already complained to me that she was going to have to go to school on her birthday.  Sorry dear, the world does not stop for your birthday.  So if anyone has any fun holiday themed ideas, please share them.

I promise, I will make this up to you next year, Caroline.

Bang Bang!

Caroline and I had haircuts last night (yes, LAST night and not Tuesday night - I screwed up the schedule AGAIN.  Seriously, since we've been in the house selling process, my mind is seriously slipping.) and she mentioned the day or two before that she might want bangs.  I think she had seen a photo of herself when she was younger with bangs and braids.  She's been very into the "two braid" look lately for some reason and thought bangs would look good.

When we got to the salon and she got up in the chair, she told Pam (our stylist) what she wanted.  Since I believe that things like hair are NOT a big deal and that it will always grow out, I will never tell my kids how they have to have their hair but I did make sure that's what she really wanted.  Pam said she was happy to do it and would do thin ones so that if she didn't like them it would be easier to grow out - but she also pointed out Caroline's little cowlick that runs through her bangs and always made them stand up when she was little and had bangs previously.  Caroline didn't seem to care and we went forward with it....she was THRILLED!  Thrilled!

We came home and she went straight upstairs to braid her hair and came down and asked me to take her photo and send it to my mom, sister, and MIL.  And then this morning she was up before 7am dressed and playing with her hair.  Today she opted for a low ponytail with her bangs all cute and turned under (I showed her how with a hair dryer.)

Clearly most women have had bangs at some point and have been through that inevitable growing out stage but I think everyone has to go through it themselves.  I had bangs until my sophomore year in high school, grew them out and then cut them again my senior year (after photos).  Then I grew them out again sometime in college and then got them again when Caroline was a baby.  That was VERY short lived and I grew them out at the end of my pregnancy with Bryce....and never again!  I'm done with bangs.

Although on Caroline, I think they are adorable.  I do think they make her look younger but clearly that does not bother me.  Wearing them with braids makes her look like Anne of Green Gables (with blond hair) which I think is pretty cute.  Of course now she wants an American Girl doll that has bangs since Emily (her AG doll) does not have them.

Party Planner

Caroline sent out an email last night to all the people in her address book.  (This is the contact list that I have set up for her so it's all family and a few random family friends.)

Joy to the world!Party at my house on 10/19/12!

Yep, my daughter is planning parties.  Never mind the fact that she hadn't said a word about it to Jason or me.  Or the fact that we might not even be home at that point.  Jason and I got a couple replies laughing at the invitation.  Clearly, they realize that this was sent by an 8 year old.

Then this morning we all got this response:

the party is at 7:30

I guess she thinks this is going to happen?  Typical Caroline...always wanting to plan a party.  My mom laughed and said, "That's my girl!"  (My mom loves having parties too.)  Caroline is always wanting life to be exciting and fun and non-boring.  Clearly, I cannot keep up with that joie de vivre.  

And this, my friends, is why my daughter has the email account she does - I can completely monitor it.  I'm starting to worry about high school already.  Already shopping for a tight leash.

New House Zen

On Saturday afternoon, Jason, the girls and I went by the model to ask a question of the sales agent and realized we had forgotten about the Pumpkin Open House they were having.  (Bryce was spending the night with my IL's.)  When we went in, I quietly asked the sales agent if he thought we could go through the house next door (the same model we are building) since Caroline hadn't been through yet.  The new owners aren't settling until Friday so they said it was no problem.

I was so happy to take Caroline in since I think she's the one with the most at stake in this move (of the kids).  And the verdict?  LOVE!  All she could say as she walked through the house was "OH MY GOSH!"  She loved it.  Every part.  But the thing that made me laugh was when she went into the master bedroom and said, "Oh wow, you guys have a HALLWAY in your bedroom.  A HALLWAY!"  I laughed because that was EXACTLY my response to seeing it and one of the reasons I love the house so much - and the two walk in closets and huge linen closets on that hallway.  (They have an option that takes the extra extension that we're putting on the first floor/basement to be built up to the second floor too and we aren't doing that because it alters the floor plan so that there isn't a hallway anymore - a huge closet on the other side of the bathroom, but no more hallway.)

Going into that house has been very helpful for me too.  With all the stress of selling our current home, going into the new house reminds me why we're doing this and that it's all for a good reason.  It brings me back to center and reaffirms what a good choice this is for us.  Although after Friday we won't be able to go in anymore but I think that I've been inside enough now to memorize certain things and notice all the details you can't tell from the floor plan.

We had thought we'd be closer to breaking ground by now but there is some kind of bottleneck with some other homes being built and our start is a little delayed but I think that's okay because it gives us a little more wiggle room with selling.  Hopefully it won't delay the start of everything for too long though.  But no matter what happens, we'll deal with it because this is just a short term delay and once we're in the new house, these months of stress will fade into our happiness in our new home.