Our friend, Zoe, came over to spend the night on Saturday while Bryce went and stayed at her house with her younger brother, Taki. It was a perfect exchange because neither family ended up with more kids than usual and all said children were so happy to have another kid around, they happily entertained themselves.
Zoe is several months older than Caroline and they get along really well. And while Piper is a good bit younger, Zoe really likes her and is much better at including her than Caroline is sometimes. For the most part while Zoe was at the house, all three girls played really well together. There were a few incidents where Piper was feeling left out but it was quickly turned around. I was really proud of the older girls for including her even in their videos and other things they played.
On Sunday morning, the girls decided they wanted manicures and pedicures and I said that I agreed to do the painting. I started first on their toenails since they needed to be dry since we were leaving in an hour. I did Piper's first and then moved onto Zoe's. Caroline, however, decided she did NOT want my help and would try herself. So while I was painting Zoe's toes, Caroline started painting hers while Piper's toes dried. When I went back to the other end of the island to start on Piper's toes, I found that Piper had decided that she too was going to paint her own fingernails. Obviously most four year olds are not expert manicurists and the fingernail polish was all over her hands. I reacted quickly and said, "PIPER! You need to ask before you do that - you could have made a huge mess and gotten it on your clothes or Bertie's furniture!"
Well, I could barely get the words out and she just crumbled and buried her neck into my shoulder crying.
"I just wanted to be like the big girls!"
Well, I just about started crying myself. I felt terrible. Terrible. Sigh.
I hugged her and told her I was sorry for how I reacted but that fingernail polish is not something you just play around with. Plus, I told her that Zoe was having me paint her fingernails so not all the big girls were painting their own nails. She continued to cry and I just comforted her and told her I understood.
I got the nail polish remover and we took off what she did and reapplied the polish. She was happy again.
I think it IS important to note here that Caroline's fingernails and toenails were a bit of a disaster and she started to get angry about how bad they looked. I told her that she just had to wait for me and I would have been happy to do them but she couldn't wait. There wasn't enough time to redo her toes but I did fix her fingers and she was happy enough with that.
Girls and fingernail polish. Such a difficult relationship.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Friend Drama
So remember a few weeks ago when I talked about Caroline's new friend, Katelyn? Well, things have gotten a little bit difficult recently and I'm trying to figure out if it's just a normal "girl thing" or if it's more than that. I also can't figure out how much intervention is needed either. I'm not a hovering type parent but I also feel like this might be more than Caroline can handle.
Before Caroline met K, she had her friend, Sophia from 3 doors down. I was glad when Caroline met K because S isn't always home and kids need more than 1 friend. While Caroline and S tend to do more girly girl things together (crafts, imagining, fairy houses), Caroline and K are more active together (running, jumping, bike riding, . I like this dynamic because I feel like each friend brings out the different sides of Caroline - she is both girly and active. However, the problem is that S and K do NOT get along. More importantly, K doesn't like S and is constantly trying to pull Caroline away from S.
For example last night, K came over and was playing with Caroline when Caroline noticed that S had just gotten home. They ran up the street to say hello and I heard Caroline yell, "GROUP HUG!" and get all 3 girls to hug. They were up in front of S's house (S's mom was outside) and said that within a minute or two, K was heard saying to Caroline, "C'mon, let's go back to your house."
And this is what happens every time. K is constantly trying to have Caroline all to herself. I went up to talk to S's mom while the kids ran around and we stood there and talked and watched the dynamic of the three girls. Every time Caroline moved, K was right at her side. I'm talking glued at the hip. S's mom was saying that S has been upset lately that Caroline doesn't play with her as much and while she acknowledged that S is a really sensitive kid she feels bad for her. I told her I agreed and that we had just had a conversation about this that evening at dinner. A lot of the problem is that K is always the first one to call and first one to come down so Caroline doesn't feel like she has the chance to decide what she wants to do. K kind of makes the choice for her.
Caroline has even expressed that she misses S and wants to play with her but that she just wishes they could all play together. I told her that I don't think K is capable of that. I know that S is because S often has other friends over that Caroline play with without issue. I think K is just very possessive of Caroline for a number of different reasons. K is an only child and I don't think has had to share a lot and she's told Caroline that she's her first real best friend, so I think there's that dynamic too.
And this is where I want to help but I also know she needs to figure this out on her own. Jason and I have talked with her about how she needs to stand up to K and tell her how she feels. She insists that she has but that K will say things like, "You've been friends with S for longer so she's already had enough time to play with you."
Sigh.
I just feel like 8 years old is still pretty young to stand up to your friends on such a sensitive issue. Although we've already had discussions with Caroline about how she needs to stand up to K about a few other issues. K is constantly putting Caroline up to things like asking if she can eat dinner with us or asking if she can come and play in the house. However, I think those are simple issues and is something that Caroline could stand up to whereas this is something more sensitive.
As we've talked about this, Caroline has actually started to express a little bit of anger about it. I think she's coming to realize that it's not fair that K doesn't want her to play with anyone else. And we've told her that a friend that doesn't want you to have any other friends really isn't a good friend. Of course at 8 years old, I think that's something a kid has to learn and maybe if we're able to make that fact clear to K, she'll mend her ways.
I really do feel bad for Caroline. She really likes both of these girls and I see how much she enjoys playing with each of them. I think S would be happy to play with K if K treated her better too. So I think for now we'll continue just to watch and see what happens and continue to talk to Caroline and help her navigate this.
Before Caroline met K, she had her friend, Sophia from 3 doors down. I was glad when Caroline met K because S isn't always home and kids need more than 1 friend. While Caroline and S tend to do more girly girl things together (crafts, imagining, fairy houses), Caroline and K are more active together (running, jumping, bike riding, . I like this dynamic because I feel like each friend brings out the different sides of Caroline - she is both girly and active. However, the problem is that S and K do NOT get along. More importantly, K doesn't like S and is constantly trying to pull Caroline away from S.
For example last night, K came over and was playing with Caroline when Caroline noticed that S had just gotten home. They ran up the street to say hello and I heard Caroline yell, "GROUP HUG!" and get all 3 girls to hug. They were up in front of S's house (S's mom was outside) and said that within a minute or two, K was heard saying to Caroline, "C'mon, let's go back to your house."
And this is what happens every time. K is constantly trying to have Caroline all to herself. I went up to talk to S's mom while the kids ran around and we stood there and talked and watched the dynamic of the three girls. Every time Caroline moved, K was right at her side. I'm talking glued at the hip. S's mom was saying that S has been upset lately that Caroline doesn't play with her as much and while she acknowledged that S is a really sensitive kid she feels bad for her. I told her I agreed and that we had just had a conversation about this that evening at dinner. A lot of the problem is that K is always the first one to call and first one to come down so Caroline doesn't feel like she has the chance to decide what she wants to do. K kind of makes the choice for her.
Caroline has even expressed that she misses S and wants to play with her but that she just wishes they could all play together. I told her that I don't think K is capable of that. I know that S is because S often has other friends over that Caroline play with without issue. I think K is just very possessive of Caroline for a number of different reasons. K is an only child and I don't think has had to share a lot and she's told Caroline that she's her first real best friend, so I think there's that dynamic too.
And this is where I want to help but I also know she needs to figure this out on her own. Jason and I have talked with her about how she needs to stand up to K and tell her how she feels. She insists that she has but that K will say things like, "You've been friends with S for longer so she's already had enough time to play with you."
Sigh.
I just feel like 8 years old is still pretty young to stand up to your friends on such a sensitive issue. Although we've already had discussions with Caroline about how she needs to stand up to K about a few other issues. K is constantly putting Caroline up to things like asking if she can eat dinner with us or asking if she can come and play in the house. However, I think those are simple issues and is something that Caroline could stand up to whereas this is something more sensitive.
As we've talked about this, Caroline has actually started to express a little bit of anger about it. I think she's coming to realize that it's not fair that K doesn't want her to play with anyone else. And we've told her that a friend that doesn't want you to have any other friends really isn't a good friend. Of course at 8 years old, I think that's something a kid has to learn and maybe if we're able to make that fact clear to K, she'll mend her ways.
I really do feel bad for Caroline. She really likes both of these girls and I see how much she enjoys playing with each of them. I think S would be happy to play with K if K treated her better too. So I think for now we'll continue just to watch and see what happens and continue to talk to Caroline and help her navigate this.
Friday, April 27, 2012
New Friend, New Drama
For the past year or so, Caroline's best buddy has been a girl named Sophia who lives down the street from us. Sophia is a year younger than Caroline and while a nice girl, isn't home or able to come out and play as often as Caroline would like. Her mom has her super involved in a variety of different activities and they always seem to be on the go or not ready to come out when Caroline goes a knockin' (Sophia also goes to a private school so she's not at C's school either.) We've gone round and round with Caroline about how she needs to leave Sophia's family alone and not be THAT kid. But the girls have gotten along well and I'm happy she has a friend on the street but I wished that it was one she was able to see more frequently.
Well, just before spring break, Caroline was on one of her bike or scooter rides around the block when she met Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn is in 2nd grade too and lives on the other end of our street - she goes to a private school as well so I think that's why we didn't know about her. It turns out she's lived there all along and somehow we just missed her. (I had seen her once or twice when she was a toddler out with her parents but not since then and I knew where she lived because they have a playground in their backyard.) Well, it turns out that Kaitlyn had been looking for a friend too and they INSTANTLY connected. K's mom was thrilled because going to a private school there aren't any kids nearby for her to play with - that end of the street has a lot of boys but no girls. C and K seem to be meant for each other - they are both super energetic and active. They love to ride bikes/scooters, they love to jump rope and hula hoop, they love cats, and they love playing outside. Her mom and dad are really nice too although I can tell this neighbor friend thing is new territory for them too. But it's nice that they don't seem to be hover parents and will let Kaitlyn come to our house without supervision from them (not all people let their kids just play outside anymore!). C and K have been building fairy houses in the backyard and just having lots of fun 2nd grade girl style. They seem evenly matched and I like that because Caroline can be such an alpha dog sometimes - I'm glad K has her own ideas and spirit.
However, with this new found friend comes new "troubles." At 8 years old (and able to tell time) we are dealing with teaching Caroline to be responsible for being home on time. At first she never made it home when she was supposed to because the watch she had kept stopping. I bought her a new watch and figured that would be the end of it. Nope. Now she has another excuse each time. I'm fine with her being a few minutes late but 20 minutes? Not having it. So when she's late, no matter the excuse, she's not allowed to play with K the next day. I think that 8 years old is old enough to keep track of time. Yesterday she was 20 minutes late to dinner and her excuse was that she forgot her watch. Ugh. Not good enough for me because Jason made it VERY clear when she left that she needed to be home at 5:30. Wouldn't that be a cue to check your watch then? She'll learn, it's just a matter of time. Of course when she's learning from her mistakes we're the ones getting punished because she's complaining about how bored she is and that it isn't fair.
The other new wrinkle we're dealing with are phone calls and the constant need to be with her friend. We've had to make new rules to deal with them. She is not allowed to talk on the phone where we can't hear her. This is a result of her making plans without our knowledge or just being on the phone for an unknown amount of time secretly in her room. I know that eventually we will give her privacy but at 8 years old I don't think that is necessary. She also wants to be able to play with K before dinner and right after dinner. We've just this week decided that she'll have to make a choice - before OR after dinner - not both. That might change in the summer when there's more time after dinner but for right now both is too much. We've also been beefing up the kids' responsibilities when it comes to meal time and one of Caroline's is to help clear the table - they have always had to clear their own places but now she has to do the rest. So this has put a curb on her shoving a little food in her mouth and then running out the door.
I know these are little things but I want to nip them in the bud now as she continues to grow. We explained to the kids the other night that family meal time is very important to our family and we will not have them sit down for 5 minutes and then run out the door. We've been doing this for 8 years now and I'm not budging on it. But I am truly glad she has a neighborhood friend that is her age. I always wanted a friend like that when I was a kid. All the other kids on my street were younger than me and I used to long for what Caroline has now. I (personally) still kind of do.....
Well, just before spring break, Caroline was on one of her bike or scooter rides around the block when she met Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn is in 2nd grade too and lives on the other end of our street - she goes to a private school as well so I think that's why we didn't know about her. It turns out she's lived there all along and somehow we just missed her. (I had seen her once or twice when she was a toddler out with her parents but not since then and I knew where she lived because they have a playground in their backyard.) Well, it turns out that Kaitlyn had been looking for a friend too and they INSTANTLY connected. K's mom was thrilled because going to a private school there aren't any kids nearby for her to play with - that end of the street has a lot of boys but no girls. C and K seem to be meant for each other - they are both super energetic and active. They love to ride bikes/scooters, they love to jump rope and hula hoop, they love cats, and they love playing outside. Her mom and dad are really nice too although I can tell this neighbor friend thing is new territory for them too. But it's nice that they don't seem to be hover parents and will let Kaitlyn come to our house without supervision from them (not all people let their kids just play outside anymore!). C and K have been building fairy houses in the backyard and just having lots of fun 2nd grade girl style. They seem evenly matched and I like that because Caroline can be such an alpha dog sometimes - I'm glad K has her own ideas and spirit.
However, with this new found friend comes new "troubles." At 8 years old (and able to tell time) we are dealing with teaching Caroline to be responsible for being home on time. At first she never made it home when she was supposed to because the watch she had kept stopping. I bought her a new watch and figured that would be the end of it. Nope. Now she has another excuse each time. I'm fine with her being a few minutes late but 20 minutes? Not having it. So when she's late, no matter the excuse, she's not allowed to play with K the next day. I think that 8 years old is old enough to keep track of time. Yesterday she was 20 minutes late to dinner and her excuse was that she forgot her watch. Ugh. Not good enough for me because Jason made it VERY clear when she left that she needed to be home at 5:30. Wouldn't that be a cue to check your watch then? She'll learn, it's just a matter of time. Of course when she's learning from her mistakes we're the ones getting punished because she's complaining about how bored she is and that it isn't fair.
The other new wrinkle we're dealing with are phone calls and the constant need to be with her friend. We've had to make new rules to deal with them. She is not allowed to talk on the phone where we can't hear her. This is a result of her making plans without our knowledge or just being on the phone for an unknown amount of time secretly in her room. I know that eventually we will give her privacy but at 8 years old I don't think that is necessary. She also wants to be able to play with K before dinner and right after dinner. We've just this week decided that she'll have to make a choice - before OR after dinner - not both. That might change in the summer when there's more time after dinner but for right now both is too much. We've also been beefing up the kids' responsibilities when it comes to meal time and one of Caroline's is to help clear the table - they have always had to clear their own places but now she has to do the rest. So this has put a curb on her shoving a little food in her mouth and then running out the door.
I know these are little things but I want to nip them in the bud now as she continues to grow. We explained to the kids the other night that family meal time is very important to our family and we will not have them sit down for 5 minutes and then run out the door. We've been doing this for 8 years now and I'm not budging on it. But I am truly glad she has a neighborhood friend that is her age. I always wanted a friend like that when I was a kid. All the other kids on my street were younger than me and I used to long for what Caroline has now. I (personally) still kind of do.....
Thursday, January 08, 2009
LaPlata Girls
Here I am with Katie and Binnie - two friends I met my freshman year of college in LaPlata Hall. Hard to believe that was 14 1/2 years ago. I should go and find a picture of us from college although I don't know if everyone would like that. But here we are on NYE at Katie's with all seven of our collective children and husbands in tow.
We all lost touch at different times in the past but I'm so glad we're all back in touch again since we are all doing pretty much the exact same thing in life right now - raising young children. It's so nice to have people who are on the same page as you, especially when you are parenting young children which can be one of the most isolated times in your life. So thank you K and B for a fun NYE and I hope that we'll make one of our resolutions to get together more often (with and without kids).
We all lost touch at different times in the past but I'm so glad we're all back in touch again since we are all doing pretty much the exact same thing in life right now - raising young children. It's so nice to have people who are on the same page as you, especially when you are parenting young children which can be one of the most isolated times in your life. So thank you K and B for a fun NYE and I hope that we'll make one of our resolutions to get together more often (with and without kids).
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